Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
特效配乐表演，所有配置都好过剧本本身。建议开心麻花看两期快乐再出发，学学怎么写笑点，老梗太多了真没有很爆笑
电影不错，很多惊喜彩蛋，“下落特烦恼”、cue吴京的一些梗很巧妙。
生活里时常感叹这世界有如此多的好故事
这种“预告骗”请多来一些，把更多人“骗”进影院收获浪漫，或许这部电影就是在等七夕吧
个人评分5.7/10【D】
本是三分爆米花电影，但是开心麻花的梗越来越恶俗，所以扣掉一星
以开心麻花的标准，笑点差夏洛特烦恼十部西红柿首富，沈腾舔照片马丽脸上番茄汁那段，低俗到了恶心的程度！影片割裂严重，前半部分的诙谐和后半部分的刻意煽情让人非常不适，还不如拍成开心麻花版《火星救援》！电影哪怕是结尾在救袋鼠和自己活的角度，立意在绝望和自我救赎上，它也算一部合格电影。可惜，最后还是落在的一个英雄拯救了地球的套路上，唯一的欣慰是主角好歹是挂了！
剧情缝合怪，桥段全老梗，表达强煽情，100%含腾率也救不了这片的难看。
本是三分爆米花电影，但是开心麻花的梗越来越恶俗，所以扣掉一星
开篇确实惊喜，笑点塞满前半小时，虽然俗但确实好笑，如果全片保持这个模式推进我会给四星。喜剧+科幻片的创意，忽略bug，确实是个好题材。
我真希望导演是闫非，彭大魔啊，
开心麻花导演编剧真的拉胯，喜剧也煽情，还升华了将近四十分钟。美团绝对投资了而且力度不小。刚子配上黄色宇航服，真有你的，分分钟出戏。
坐进影院就是120分钟的快乐，体感良好，就是时间过得有点快嗷
2.5/5 全程尬得我受不了。大卫宝说受到了眼泪强奸，脑子明明不想哭，但是气氛到时还是湿了眼眶。最惊喜：马丽在电梯上的镜头好美。我心动了。ps.镜头确实精心设计了。
倒没有到有笑有泪那么那么优秀，看到后面有点感动，但还不至于哭，到是想问喜剧片为什么要煽情。韩国漫画改编的，本士化落地还可以，还算接地气。在开心麻花电影里面不算笑点密集的，但是你要看整体，整体剧情还是说得过去的，肯定请了顾问了，还加入了“广寒宫号”“万户撞击坑”。长存湖月海”这些探月成果的科学名词。还有一小
4D厅晃死我了 这风给我吹的………神马不错的 黄子韬可真是本色出演啊 致意时候说的都是salute
麻花做大情节和设定的功力一直是非常厉害的，可惜小情节一直撑不起来，只有一些带梗的高光时刻。好比他们设定好了A点和B点，但是如何从A走到B搞得很草率。“都得死”和“中间人”的概念我是非常喜欢的，因为我本人就一直思考死以及活在中间。这部电影显然想要有所表达，但是又习惯于把一切掰开揉碎嚼烂了喂给观众。那个袋鼠到底是干嘛来了？人和活物的羁绊是很能共情的，但是也太开玩笑了吧。两位主演的演技其实容易让人代入爱情，但是情节上有点硬了。喜剧有假定性，但太空直播的镜头放在哪，导播又在哪。地球人（除了吹葫芦丝那位）除了给反应镜头就是呆着，我的小严良...片尾看到合作方有航天局，咋说呢，其实事情确实不能到准备好了才做，这片子的几个大的情节点其实都是挺有力量的。从A到B的路径不完美，难道就不出发了吗。"落枕"很好笑
喜欢国家主旋律励志，不在意剧情的，阅片量少的，笑点低的，没看过原作漫画的可以看
不差，但没有太大的共鸣，哪怕摆出很多困境点，都是套路式的设计，到最后都无法让我触动，至于笑点，其实开心麻花早已不开心。
我本来是来看喜剧的，结果哭掉了所有粉底液。东方式的英雄永远是牺牲自我拯救他人的。
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